Emotions seem to rule our daily lives. We generally make decisions based on if we are happy, sad, excited, bored, or stressed.
That extra glass of wine or piece of chocolate sounds really good when we are stressed, am I right or am I right!?
Emotions are with us from the start. Think of a 2 year old, no one has to teach them to “feel”. They just do. They express and feel their emotions with no apologies. They cry when something doesn’t go their way and bounce back with such beautiful resilience afterwards.
And then one day that stops.
Somewhere along the way, we learn to repress our emotions. “Don’t be a baby”, ” Don’t cry, it’s ok”, “Stop being so sensitive”.
Sound familiar?
Skip to adulthood, when showing emotions makes you “crazy, unprofessional or sloppy”.
Eventually we become domesticated and totally out of touch with ourselves and our emotions. We pick up coping mechanisms such as overeating, drinking alcohol, isolating ourselves, etc. We do this because we cannot just “be” with the feeling. We can be so out of touch that we don’t even realize what we are doing.
Did you know that there are 3 primary emotions that all other emotions stem from?
Joy, Hurt/Sadness, and Fear.
Every other emotion you can think is indeed real and serve critical functions but they are also just a derivative of these 3.
Why does this matter?
Sometimes we feel something and we don’t now why. We can’t even articulate it. Take anger for instance. Anger is actually a secondary emotion. When you unpack that anger, you will generally find Fear or Sadness.
I once had a boyfriend who kept a pretty big secret from me. And I mean BIG. When I found out I was SO PISSED. Yelling and screaming pissed. If I look back on that situation now, it’s really clear to me that I was actually extremely hurt, sad and scared for our future. It was much easier for me to get angry though and not show my vulnerability.
Fear and sadness are emotions that are typically hard for people to really be with because those emotions make you feel out of control and vulnerable. So what do we do? We get angry!! Yeah! That will solve it, right?!
Here’s the thing though, no emotion is “bad” including anger when expressed appropriately.
Emotions highlight what is important and accelerate our learning process…if we let them.
This is about tuning into yourself and really getting in touch with why you are feeling the way you are feeling. We learn to be self-aware because emotions are typically judgements about the extent of how your current situation meets your goals. And THAT is worth paying attention to.
We run around thinking that the safe thing to do is to stuff our strong emotions away . Here’s the thing though.
What we CAN’T be with will run our lives.
As a coach, I have seen clients create lives where they are able to avoid emotional swings. Carefully crafting lives that help shield themselves from emotions that are too high or too low. A kind of perpetual “middle”. In the process, they learn to lead a life that will likely cause them some degree of regret in the future.
Emotions are part of the human experience and the normal functioning of being a human being. We are meant to FEEL.
What emotion can you not be with and why?
I am silver lining finder. Throw me in any situation and I’ll not only find something good but I’ll also find the opportunity. That’s exactly what brought me to my coaching career. 
