Are you a good teacher?
I heard this on Dr.Phil years ago and it’s always stuck with me.
People will get away with what you let them get away with. You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.
It’s really that simple.
When I think of the times in my life where I was in a “bad relationship” or “bad friendship”, I can now see my role in the situation. I simply allowed a lot. Those were the days before I was clear on who I was, what was important to me and what my worth was. I didn’t stand up for myself because I was scared. Scared of what would happen next if I did. Would I get dumped? Would they not like me anymore? Would I be rejected?
I acted, or in this case didn’t act from a place of fear. And wouldn’t you know it, I was unhappy in many of the relationships I was in. This led to a general lack of confidence in myself . Deep down I knew I was’t honoring myself.
When we don’t take responsibility for our role in our relationships with others, it’s very easy to fall into the victim mentality . That this particular thing is just “happening” to you. By saying something is just “happening” to you, you are absolving all personal responsibility in the matter.
Here are 3 ways to keep this in check:
Understand what is important to you: What matters ?
It’s about knowing what is acceptable and unacceptable. It’s about knowing what we need and want and being able to communicate it effectively to others. Assuming that others know exactly what you need is a recipe for resentment and miscommunication.
Get clear on what you are so afraid of: Trust that your relationships can handle honest conversations about what you want and expect. If they can’t, it’s probably time to re-evaluate their place in your life. The truth is you are strong, good, loving and deserve only exactly what you WANT. Those you surround yourself with should be on the same page.
Check yourself : If you are feeling unhappy with how you are being treated it’s time to check yourself. If you are feeling used or taken for granted, it’s time to make some brave changes. It’s time to take your power back and swallow the hard truth that you are ultimately responsible.Where are you compromising too much and what are you going to do about it?
With EVERY interaction you have with others, you are teaching them how to treat you.
It’s HARD in those moments when you could just brush something under the rug right? We tell ourselves ” oh it’s not that big of a deal”. But is it?
I leave you with some inquiries:
What do I want? What do I value? What do I deserve? And finally.
What am I teaching others about myself right now?
I am silver lining finder. Throw me in any situation and I’ll not only find something good but I’ll also find the opportunity. That’s exactly what brought me to my coaching career. 
